Author: David P. Cantrell

Posted on

I Know Nothing

Like John Snow and Sergeant Schultz before him, I know nothing about marketing a book. Anticipating the release of my first book, Gates of Fire and Ash, I developed a woefully inept marketing plan and forged ahead like Wile E. Coyote in pursuit of the elusive Road Runner. I’m here to share my experience.

Remember I know nothing, so I read what other writers had done and what the gurubloggers had to say. Pronounced Goo-Rub-Loggers, a gurublogger is an internet blogger that claims to know the answer. The answer to what you ask? Oh, I’m glad you asked. The answer to anything that gets you to generate revenue on their site. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not opposed to bloggers making money from their sites. I’m opposed to bloggers using teasers and snake-oil techniques to sell high dollar items or provide useless information in order to collect impressions and clicks for advertising fees. At any rate, I came up with the “plan.”

My plan was pretty basic:

  1. Have a good cover
  2. Prepare a catchy description
  3. Use social media effectively
  4. Obtain reviews
  5. Pick perfect Amazon categories & keywords
  6. Try Amazon Marketing Services
  7. Spend as little as possible

I can confidently state that Step 7 was accomplished. I’m less sure of the others.

Good Cover

I’m not a graphic designer, and Step 7 precluded hiring one. I cobbled together a cover with a good deal of help from my Myrddin Publishing friends. I spent $29.00 for a couple of photos and at least two dozen hours working with an old copy of Photoshop Elements that had come bundled with a long gone printer.

 

Did I get a good cover? I don’t know, but it was good enough.

Catchy Description

It is harder than you might think to write a book description. It’s supposed to encourage people to click Add-to-Cart using just a sentence or two. Lines that capture one person’s fancy may be a complete turn-off to another. The truth of this became clear when I asked for feedback from writers and non-writers. In the end, I went with the majority vote because I agreed with it.

Social Media

Social media will make your book the key that unlocks the door to success. I’m not so sure about that, but many gurubloggers seem to believe it and are willing to share their hard-won knowledge for a free pamphlet and a paid subscription. My social media effort was limited to making a few posts on Facebook letting folks know that the book was coming and announcing its launch on Amazon. What about Twitter and the other sites, you might ask. I don’t know a Twit from a Ter and even less about the others. I didn’t have the energy to find out. Oh, I unintentionally “boosted” one of my launch adverts on Facebook. It cost me $7.00. I probably could have gotten a refund but decided it was a cheap lesson look before I click.

Reviews

Reviews are the lifeblood of successful independent authors. Get as many reviews as possible and as quickly as possible is the mantra. If you succeed, the magicians at Amazon will brew a potion in their algorithmic cauldron that brings readers to the altar of your product page. So, I solicited people to read an advance review copy (ARC) of the book hoping to get reviews. I sent out emails to my friends (some are now former friends) offering a free copy in return for an honest review. I also made the offer on Facebook as part of my clever social media marketing plan. I received ten acceptances to be an ARC reader. Five of them posted a review on Amazon. They averaged 4.5 stars, though. Oh, well. I tried.

Amazon Categories & Keywords

Categories and keywords are supposed to make it easier for readers to find my book by browsing. Think of it like the sections of a physical bookstore says Amazon. Excuse me, a monitor and mouse have nothing in common with a physical bookstore. I don’t believe readers browse in the physical sense. They can’t, there are too many books, 1.8 million titles by one account. Still, I played the game.

Amazon’s help screen: Selecting Browse Categories, includes this quote, “During title setup, you’ll select a BISAC (Book Industry Standards and Communications) code. The codes you choose, along with your selected keywords, are used to place your book into certain categories, or browse paths, on Amazon.” I  didn’t actually select a code number. Instead, I  picked from an outline of options. For example 1. Juvenile Fiction > Action & Adventure > General, or 2. Fiction > Science Fiction > Apocalyptic & Post-Apocalyptic. I need to mention that none of my options seemed to fit my book.

Keywords are different. I created them thinking they’d be a good way to help readers find my book. I’m not so sure now. They may be more import as a way to narrow the books I’ll be compared against for sale rank purposes. My story intentionally excludes magic as a plot element, but it involves a quest to find a cure for a disease. I used quest as one of my seven keywords. Amazon included my book in a Sword & Sorcery subcategory as shown here, (2241 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Teen & Young Adult > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Sword & Sorcery). It turns out that using the keyword quest triggered the classification. I’ll be changing that soon.

Amazon Marketing Services

Amazon receives a piece of the action from the sale of each book. I have no problem with it because I can publish a book on Amazon without spending one dollar. Zon even offers me free tools to help.

Amazon Marketing Services (AMS) is one of the few ways it can get extra moola from me. Remember I know nothing, but I wanted to try AMS to boost the visibility of my book. AMS offers two types of advertising: Product Display and Sponsored Products. In a nutshell, Display ads appear on a competitors Amazon sale page.

 << Display ad

Sponsored ads appear in search results.

 << Sponsored ad

I tried Product Display first. The $100 minimum budget scared the hell out of me, but I was feeling confident and went for it. Twelve days later, I terminated the ad. The AMS report showed that my ad had been displayed 17 times. Each display being an “Impression” on the Big A reports. Sadly, no one checked-out my book by clicking or tapping on my ad. Clicking or tapping is reported as a “Click”—clever.  The cost to me was $0.00 because I only had to pay for clicks, not for impressions.

Unimpressed with Product Displays, I tried Sponsored Products next.  Sponsored ads let me pick search words that AMS calls keywords. Why did Amazon choose to use keyword for two distinct purposes? Seriously, if you know, please tell me. But, I digress.

If a reader used one of my AMS keywords to search for a book, my ad might appear to them (an impression), and if they clicked on my ad I’d be billed for it; a daily budget limited my risk.

I played with the system because I know nothing. Initially (2/26/18), I let Amazon pick my search terms. It chose 35 terms and over 12 days generated 792 impressions and 24 clicks. Amazon’s report (see below)  implies that the ad generated $8.99 in sales at the cost of $3.89 for a healthy 43% cost of sale percentage.

In truth, the $8.99 was for the purchase of a paperback by a personal friend and had nothing to do with my ad.  I made three more attempts using search words generated by KDPRocket. KDPRocket analyzes Amazon data to find terms that buyers have used in the past. In theory, I could do it myself, but it would take many hours, if not days, to find as many terms as KDPRocket can in minutes. At $97.00 it’s not a cheap program, but it saved me many hours.

Each of my attempts used at least 250 search terms but was generated with different beginning criteria. As I hope you can tell from the table, I didn’t sell enough books to pay for KDPRocket. However, about 200,000 prospects saw my ad. Marketing is about building brand awareness more than generating current sales according to my Marketing Professor who is probably dead by now.

Spend as little as possible

Excluding KDPRoceket, I’ve spent less than $50.00 so far to create and market my book. Am I happy? No. But, I’m not unhappy either. I’m experimenting and haven’t finished yet. I see KDPRocket as an investment more than an expense and can use it for future projects that may be more profitable. Actually, profit isn’t my motive. I hope readers will enjoy my writing, but they must find it to do that, which is why I’m making an effort to advertise.

Do you have comments? Please share them.

Copyright by David P. Cantrell 2018

Posted on

‘Twas the Night B4 Xmas

‘Twas the night before Xmas, when all through the base
Only robots were stirring, but none with much haste.
The backpacks were taped to the air vents with care,
In hopes that old Santa would find his way there;

The kiddos were tucked in their coffin-shaped beds,
As a Twix induced sugar-rush played with their heads;
Mom in her flannel and I in tighty-whites
Had just settled in after saying good nights.

When suddenly our module shook to and fro,
I leapt from my bed and was soon ready to go.
Away to the view screen I flew like the Flash,
And focused the monitor in a hurried dash.

The blue Earth above gave an eerie luster
To the dwellings that formed our lunar cluster.
Then, a vision beyond belief did appear,
A tiny red shuttle, manned by tiny reindeer.

Anon, a weird looking pilot escorted them out.
“I am Captain Saint Nick,” he said with a shout.
His four-legged crew must surely be tame,
Because clearly I heard him call them by name;

“Now, Crasher. now, Lancer. Now, Rancher and Buttless.
On, Gromit. On, Wallace. On, Dander and Gutless.
Gather your pouches, gifts stuffed to the top,
We must hurry and scurry there’s no time to stop.

And then in a jiffy, I heard from the ceiling
The clatter and chatter of eight little beings.
I stood from my perch and then turned around,
To see the pilot materialize with nary a sound.

Unsure of his purpose, my phaser at ready,
I stunned the old guy, my aim was quite steady.
His bundle of toys were thrown to the floor
“Oh no, this must be Santa,” I had to implore.

His eyes – how they twinkled, from the stun no doubt.
His cheeks soon grew as red as if they had gout.
His mouth formed a circle like a black hole,
His chest expelled the growl of an evil troll.

The sound of his anguish filled me with grief;
I feared for my life when he gritted his teeth.
He had a narrow face and surprising round belly.
Plus a wicked smile; I thought of Machiavelli.

With the wink of his eye he turned his head;
The look on his face filled me with dread.
But soon I realized I feared without reason
When he chuckled and said, “I love this season.”

He looked to the floor and gathered the toys,
Several were for girls and others for boys,
He filled all of the packs hung by the vents
Then touched his comm-unit and off he went.

From my viewer I saw him gather his troops,
The eight little reindeer were a strange group.
He walked up the ramp, his team close behind.
When the shuttle rumbled, it began to climb.

The craft hovered high over our airless dorm;
Through some unknown magic a dome did form.
These words were written on the white hemisphere,
Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

By David P. Cantrell (c) 2017 with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore

Posted on

15 Reasons to Quit Writing

By: David P. Cantrell

It is very presumptuous of me to write about writing. I don’t make a living as a writer, I’d starve if I tried to, but I love (and hate) the process.

I love the rush that comes with ideas unfolding like a map to reveal the path within. Sometimes the words come faster than I can write and they evaporate. Just a wisp of the thought lingers behind to taunt me—I was great, but you weren’t good enough to catch me. And that brings me to what I hate about writing–the self-doubt: I’m not smart enough, people will laugh at me, who cares what I have to say.

My musing got me wondering what others have had to say about the process, which led me to a Goodreads list of 795 quotes about writing. Some of my favorites are set forth below. I hope you enjoy them.

  1. The first draft is just you telling yourself the story. ― Terry Pratchett
  2. 10 Steps to Becoming a Better Writer Write.
    Write more. Write even more. Write even more than that.
    Write when you don’t want to. Write when you do.
    Write when you have something to say. Write when you don’t.
    Write every day. Keep writing. ― Brian Clark
  3. You don’t start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it’s good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. ― Octavia E. Butler
  4. Anyone who says writing is easy isn’t doing it right. ― Amy Joy
  5. I always worked until I had something done and I always stopped when I knew what was going to happen next. That way I could be sure of going on the next day. ― Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast
  6. There is only one thing a writer can write about: what is in front of his senses at the moment of writing… I am a recording instrument… I do not presume to impose “story” “plot” “continuity”… Insofar as I succeed in Direct recording of certain areas of psychic process I may have limited function… I am not an entertainer… ― William S. Burroughs, Naked Lunch
  7. Sometimes I scare myself at how easily I slip inside my mind and live vicariously through these characters. ― Teresa Mummert
  8. There are three secrets to writing a novel. Unfortunately nobody knows what they are. ― W. Somerset Maugham
  9. Rules such as “Write what you know,” and “Show, don’t tell,” while doubtlessly grounded in good sense, can be ignored with impunity by any novelist nimble enough to get away with it. There is, in fact, only one rule in writing fiction: Whatever works, works. ― Tom Robbins
  10. You might not write well every day, but you can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page. ― Jodi Picoul
  11. The only ‘ironclad rules’ in writing fiction are the laws of physics and the principles of grammar, and even those can be bent. ― Val Kovalin
  12. But in the wake of ‘Bullet,’ all the guys wanted to know was, ‘How’s it doing? How’s it selling?’ How to tell them I didn’t give a flying fuck how it was doing in the marketplace, that what I cared about was how it was doing in the reader’s heart? ― Stephen King, Everything’s Eventual: 14 Dark Tales
  13. Don’t over edit. Don’t second-guess yourself, or your ideas. Just write. Write every day, and keep at it. Don’t get discouraged with the rejections. Tape them up on your office wall, to remind you of all the hard work you put in when you finally start getting published! It’s all about persistence and passion. And have fun with it. Don’t forget to have fun. ― Heather Grace Stewart
  14. I’ve discovered that sometimes writing badly can eventually lead to something better. Not writing at all leads to nothing. ― Anna Quindlen
  15. The writing begins when you’ve finished. Only then do you know what you’re trying to say.” ― Samuel Langhorne Clemens

    You will find all 795 quotes here.

Posted on

Cable left, Streaming right

Cable to the left of me,
Streaming to the right of me, here I am
Stuck in the middle with delight.*

 

I was luckier than many kids. I grew up in the Los Angeles area.

I know.

LA isn’t considered an ideal environment for child rearing, but I didn’t care. I was in grade school and had seven TV stations available to me. Four more than the three network stations that dominate TV in those days. The Big Three (ABC, CBS & NBC) produced most of the original content on TV and brought me some great stuff like Gunsmoke, Davy Crockett and The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin.

However, the small stations offered unique old movies and hokey local productions. Sheriff John’s Lunch Brigade was a favorite local show when I had a sick day at home. Crusader Rabbit and Underdog were his best cartoons. But, the old movies were better. Buck Rogers, Roy Rogers, and Tarzan were beloved stories to me.

In a way, I’m reliving my youth. Ironically, I live in a rural community today, but that no longer matters. Cable networks and streaming are the “local” stations in my world, but they have surpassed the hokey stage by a long way.

This reminiscing got me thinking about shows I’ve come to enjoy that are available because of the new sources. So, I’ve decided to share my top five “local” shows you need to see. Two caveats. I’ve only included alternate-reality genres that have premiered since 2015, and I left out Stranger Things because everyone I know has seen it. If you haven’t, you should. As far as I’m aware, none of these are available from Netflix and the other streaming service, but I suspect they will be down the road.

Okay. Here we go. My countdown of my Top Five Alternate Reality TV Shows since 2015 are:

Number 5. Preacher

My take: Quirky, unusual, strange filming and settings—yet familiar. I hesitated to watch because of the religious aspect, but I’m glad I did

Premiered: 2016
Source: AMC
Genre: Horror/Paranormal
Synopsis: After a supernatural event at his church, a preacher enlists the help of a vampire to find God and so much more.
Rating: Imdb 8.1 Rotten Tomatoes average: 87%
Streaming: On Demand & Pay per view.

Number 4. The Magicians

My take: Harry Potter and the Narnia kids goes to college, contemporary setting, witty take on the genre, fun.

Premiered: 2015
Source: SyFy
Genre: Fantasy/Magic
Synopsis: After being recruited to a secretive academy, students discover that the magic they read about as children is very real and more dangerous than they ever imagined.
Rating: Imdb 7.5 Rotten Tomatoes average: 79%
Streaming: On Demand & Pay per view.

Number 3. Legion

My take: Stephen King rewrites One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nests. The story is slowly revealing David’s powers or curse; it’s not evident yet. But I’m intrigued and want more.

Premiered: 2017
Source: FX
Genre: Super Hero/Paranormal
Synopsis: David Haller was diagnosed with schizophrenia at a young age, and has been a patient in various psychiatric hospitals since. After Haller has an encounter with a fellow psychiatric patient, he is confronted with the possibility that there may be more to him than mental illness
Rating: Imdb 8.8 Rotten Tomatoes average: 93%
Streaming: On Demand & Pay per view.

Number 2. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

My take: Magic saves Britain from Napoleon, beautiful sets and filming, interesting story with plenty of action, drama, and twists.

Premiered: 2015
Source: BBC
Genre: Fantasy/Magic
Synopsis: With magic long since lost to England, two men are destined to bring it back; the reclusive Mr. Norrell and daring novice Jonathan Strange. So begins a dangerous battle between two great minds.
Rating: Imdb 8.2 Rotten Tomatoes average: 90%
Streaming: On Demand & Pay per view

Number 1. The Expanse

My take: The best hard science fiction I’ve seen since 2001 a Space Odyssey. This show respects physics and portrays a realistic view of the future. Plenty of action keeps it moving but, as always, the real strength is in the characters and plot.

Premiered: 2016
Source: SYFY
Genre: Hard SciFi
Synopsis: A police detective in the asteroid belt, the first officer of an interplanetary ice freighter and an earth-bound United Nations executive slowly discover a vast conspiracy that threatens the Earth’s rebellious colony on the asteroid belt.
Rating: Imdb 8.2 Rotten Tomatoes average: 85%
Streaming: On Demand and Pay per view.

Well, that’s it. I have a list of “also-rans, ” but I’ve wasted enough of your time. Please share your thoughts.

David P. Cantrell, Myrddin contributor

* My apologies to Stealers Wheel for the rip-off of their “Stuck in the Middle with You” lyrics.

Posted on

Dear Santa By Connie J. Jasperson

Dear Santa,

It was my sister’s fault.

Mostly. I also feel the Frigidaire company is partly to blame. They should make their products less prone to tipping over.

It all started because we were robbed on Halloween. Mrs. Sullivan gave out Snickers Bars, and Mr. Gentry gave Hershey Bars. Mrs. Morris had handed out M&Ms. In fact, all of Plum Street was handing out chocolate, so we knew we really did well that night. Chocolate is our favorite candy, so we were quite excited about having made such a grand haul. It was the best trick-or-treat night ever.

But by the time we had washed the face paint off our faces and changed into our jammies, and were allowed to sort through our candy, all that was left in our bags were Skittles, LifeSavers, Jujubes, Jolly Ranchers, and Tootsie Pops. I’m sure thieves snuck in and did it while Mom was watching Dancing with the Stars. Everyone knows our mom has sworn off sugar, so the thieves must have known there wouldn’t even be any stray Reese’s Pieces at our house under normal circumstances.

Cathy said the thieves must have spied on us as we made the rounds in the neighborhood and knew just where to come to steal it.

However, on Thanksgiving, we received reliable information from our cousin Jeremy (he’s fifteen and really tall) that some of the missing chocolate from our Halloween candy had been stashed in a secret cupboard on our premises. Probably the robbers couldn’t carry it all because there was so much chocolate, it took both Cathy and me to carry it home in the first place.

When Cathy counted what was left, it was clear the thieves had made off with more than half of it. We feared they would come back for the rest of it.

Now, I know I have a certain responsibility for how things turned out, as I am technically older. Mom is always telling us how sisters should be loyal to each other as they grow and venture into new territory.

The cupboard over the top of the refrigerator was definitely uncharted territory.

When Cathy told me about her plan to rescue the stolen chocolate, I felt she needed a safety net. Or at least someone to hold the chair while she climbed on top of the fridge.

We were surprised to discover her plan had a fatal flaw, although I should have expected it. After all, she’s only in third grade, so engineering is not her strong point. Although she’s amazing at drawing horses, much better than I am and I’m a year older. But I wasn’t consulted in the planning stage, or I would have suggested approaching the cupboard from the side via the counter instead of the front from a chair. All she asked me to do was to hold the chair, which I did until I had to drop it to catch the refrigerator.

Sort of.

I accidentally dropped that too.

You see, the door swung open, and she was hanging on it but managed to jump clear, and you know the rest.

Did you know that when your refrigerator falls on the door, more food falls out of it when you go to lift it back up? This is because the doors don’t latch too well.

So Santa, even though it wasn’t my idea to tip over the fridge, I did try to clean up the mess before Mom got back from the store. It’s just amazing how far pickles and olives can travel when they’re mixed with orange juice and moldy brussels sprouts. I didn’t realize they had rolled all the way to the back door. I felt terrible that mom slipped and dropped a gallon of milk.

And please don’t be too hard on Cathy. She was only trying to rescue the stolen chocolates.

Sincerely,
Jennifer Martin, Cathy’s sister

Posted on

Dear Santa By Ceri Clark

Dear Santa,

It was my sister’s fault. I don’t normally write these things but I didn’t do it. I swear! I just wanted you to know.

I am so tired, I hate being alone but there is no one left. Do you even come this far?

Please help me. I can hear her calling my name. Mary’s got her hair in a pony tail and she’s stolen mom’s make-up. She looks really scary. It won’t be long until she finds me. They call it moon madness but she was always mean, even before we left Earth. Do you remember Toby? He lived next door to us. He must have been on your nice list. That wasn’t an accident. I was there. I saw the whole thing. She pushed him. The smile on her face as she did it. I never told anyone before. She scares me so bad.

Maybe I should have told Mom and Dad. Maybe everyone would be alive now. Harry and me would be in Hydroponics playing football. Dad would be telling us off right now…

Their faces. They were all collapsed. Higgledy piggledy. I was lucky I forgot my jumper. It was to be our first Christmas concert in space. Mom and Dad were more excited than me. It was going to to be broadcast back to Earth so Mom said we all had to look our best. I ran as fast as I could but when I got back the air was already gone. I saw her through the airlock window. My sister is a monster.

She’s playing with some rope. Like I don’t know that is for me if she catches me. There is no way I’m going to her. I saw the bodies. I’m not stupid. She’s using THAT voice – the one that gets mom to give her the chocolate from the top shelf. It just makes me shiver.

Mom said we should write letters to Santa – that you always hear us. She said that you had a sleigh that can ride high into the sky. I will leave this letter by the heating panels, its as close to a fire-place as we have here.

Please Santa, my sister blames me for everything. I heard her talk to her cat. She’s going to say I opened the air lock and killed everyone. If you can just get her the communicator she wants, the pink one, she might let me live. Its why she did it, Dad said it cost too much. But you can afford it can’t you?

I’m going to have to finish this now, I need to find a new hiding place. Please Santa, please come, you are my only hope.

 

Posted on

Dear Santa By David P. Cantrell

Dear Santa,

It was my sister’s fault. Well, she didn’t light the fire. I did that, but there’s no doubt she caused the damage, and she could have stopped it if she hadn’t been running so fast. She’s selfish like that.

The fire wasn’t that big. It charred the front leg of Mommy’s favorite chair. I sat in it, so I know it’s okay. It does smell odd. Mommy says a skunk peed on it. I didn’t see a skunk, so I think she was wrong. Nobody’s noticed the scorched leg on Daddy’s chair. It always smells funny according to Mommy.

This all started in Mrs. Gold’s fourth-grade class. She showed us how to make candles and told us to make one to celebrate the holidays. Bobbie Schultz said our teacher was Jewish and didn’t like Christmas. I don’t know why she doesn’t like Christmas. For that matter, I don’t know what Jewish is, but Bobbie is smart. He knows the time’s tables all the way to thirteen.

Most kids made candles that looked like Rudolph, Frosty, or an angel. Two kids made pitchforks. They called them Minotaurs, I think. Zachery made a Navytea scene. It had little farm animals in a circle around a butterfly larva. I asked Zachery if it was a Monarch. He said it was a Baby Jesus. I’d never heard of that kind of butterfly. They probably come from Utah like Zachery.

I think I upset Mrs. Gold. I didn’t mean to. Honest, I didn’t. I made a devil. Mommy wouldn’t let me be a devil for Halloween–I had to wear Sara’s old Princess Jasmine costume. My devil was really cool, Santa. It had goat legs, the body of a man and the head of a bull. The bull horns had wicks in them. It was all red like you are, but not so round. Daddy says it’s not nice to call people fat. I hope round is okay. Anyway, it was sooooo cool. It didn’t stand up very well, so I glued on Popsicle sticks–they looked like snow skis.

Mommy and Daddy went shopping after dinner last night and left Sara and me to protect the house. I put the last ornaments on the Christmas tree, which sat between Mommy and Daddy’s chairs in front of the fireplace. We don’t use the fireplace because it’s anyfishunt. But, we still have a log lighter. I know, because I saw Daddy point it at Mommy like a gun. He said, ‘I’m going to light your fire woman.’ I wonder if I was adopted, sometimes.

Mommy and Daddy would be home soon, and I wanted to surprise them with my devil. I stood on Mommy’s chair to put the devil on the mantle. It looked great next to Grandma’s antique quilt on the wall.

“Sara where is the log lighter?”

She continued texting and mumbled, “On the hearth by Dad’s chair.”

“Thank you,” I said, but she ignored me, like always.

I had to stand on the armrest to reach the devil horns. The first one lit easily. I stretched to reach the second horn. The wick had started to flicker when Sara screamed, “What are you doing?”

I yelped and lost my balance. My hand caught the devil’s skis, and we both fell into the Christmas tree which fell on Sara. She squealed and ran like the wind. I landed on my back and stood up. The devil ignited the tree skirt which exploded in flames that died down quickly after I threw Mommy’s poinsettia plant on it. The ceiling sprinklers helped, too.

I hope you take it easy on Sara. I know this horrible incident was her fault, but she tries hard to be good. Sometimes things just don’t work out for her.

By the way, I’d like a Lego Super Hero High School for Christmas.

Yours most sincerely truly,

Elsie Montgomery, age 9 and 3/4ths.

 

Posted on

What is Beta Reading?

beta-read-imageBeta reading has become a part-time vocation for me. Over the past two years, I’ve beta read a dozen full-length novels—I’m working on the baker’s dozen as I write this. Also, I’ve proofread a few books and provided feedback for several short pieces.  It’s enjoyable work for sure, but it is work.

Fast reader doesn’t apply to me, although my comprehension is pretty good, even so, a recreational read takes half the time of a beta read. The time taken isn’t important to me, but it’s necessary in my case because I’m…a slow one-finger typist. Truly, I’m honored to be a beta reader and want to provide useful information to help the author evaluate and, if necessary, revise their manuscript.

My formal writing education stopped with a Business Communication course in my third year of college when everything was handwritten or typed, and computers were the size of buses—double-deckers at that. The best “English” class I’d ever taken in many ways. It focused on the importance of clarity and discouraged overly complicated sentence and paragraph structure. Writing to inform, not illicit an emotional response, was the fundamental message and it served me well in my accounting career. I’d never heard the term “show, don’t tell” until I started writing, but, on reflection, that’s what financial statements do.

Not being a trained grammarian is a plus in my mind because I miss grammar and punctuation mistakes and therefore don’t spend much time thinking about them—that’s the line editor’s job.  Nor am I an expert writer. I can’t turn mediocre prose into artistic expression. Hell, I can’t tell you what artistic prose is, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have to be purple.

What makes you think you’re qualified to be a beta-reader?

(What makes you think you’re qualified to be a beta-reader? You might say. And I might say back, screw you. But, I wouldn’t because accountants don’t talk that way—in public).  I’m as qualified as anyone else to be a beta reader because there are no qualifications for a non-existent service. (You spent too long doing taxes, you’re talking in circles. Yes. I’m not.)

Merriam-Webster on-line doesn’t have a definition for “beta read,” “betaread,” or “beta-read.”  I tried the Library of Congress search engine but couldn’t zero in on a definition. I even tried the Oxford English Dictionary. Sadly, the lack of a UK library card barred me from learning its wisdom on the issue.  If a UK-library-card-carrying person reads this post and has nothing better to do, (If they had something better to do, would they be reading your poppycock, you might say, but I rather you didn’t.) please let me know what OED has to say.

Wikipedia offers this definition:

An alpha reader or beta reader (also spelled alphareader / betareader, or shortened to alpha / beta), also pre-reader or critiquer, is a non-professional reader who reads a written work, generally fiction, with the intent of looking over the material to find and improve elements such as grammar and spelling, as well as suggestions to improve the story, its characters, or its setting. Beta reading is typically done before the story is released for public consumption.[1] Beta readers are not explicitly proofreaders or editors, but can serve in that context.

Elements highlighted by beta readers encompass things such as plot holes, problems with continuity, characterization or believability; in fiction and non-fiction, the beta might also assist the author with fact-checking.[2]

The two people cited in this definition, were recent authors but not “authorities” as far as I can tell.  Definitions by self-published authors and those that sell services to them abound on the internet, but each has its own twist. Some bloggers recommend authors provide a questionnaire to beta readers to guide them through the process. I’m not a fan of questionnaires, they’re too similar to homework for my liking. Given the lack of a clear standard, I’ve developed my own.

gold

I do my best to think like a “reader” rather than a writer or editor. I concentrate on the story, plot and the characters. If all is well, I won’t have much to say. It’s the hiccups and stumbles that force me to speak. But, it’s not easy. I don’t want to criticize an author because I would have worded a passage differently. Each person has a voice, and that’s good. But, if I don’t understand the message, I feel compelled to say so. At other times, I think I understand the message, but I don’t like it, which is a difficult spot because I don’t want to hurt the author’s feelings or undermine their confidence.  On the other hand, it’s my duty to provide honest responses.

Why I Beta Read

I beta read for two reasons. I’ve had positive responses from “clients, ” and I’ve learned from the experience. During one of my earliest beta reads, I noticed a character from the prior book in the series had disappeared from the story line. Doubting myself, I went back to the older book to confirm the character had survived the “big” battle—he had. The writer sent me an Amazon gift card to show his appreciation.

Recently, I read an Advanced Review Copy of a very good post-apocalypses novel by R.E. McDermott entitled Push Back. This author does his research, and I was hesitant to raise an issue as an ARC reader, but he’d asked for feedback. He used the word “blank” as a verb in a line similar to, “…we’ll have to blank the old pipe.” It threw me for a loop, and I shared my stumble with him. He kindly explained that to blank a pipe was to bolt a solid or “blank” flange over an open-ended conduit to seal it and was a common industry term. I learned something in the exchange, but he changed the verb to something like “cap” to avoid confusion. Experiences like these make me volunteer to beta read.

Have you been a beta reader? Do you want to be? Please share your thoughts.

By: David P. Cantrell (c) 2016